When You Just Can't Even

Unless you've been living under a rock (And if you do, I don't blame you. I have a proverbial rock under which I occasionally spend entire weeks), you've probably heard the phrase, "I just can't even," uttered once or twice.

Amiright?

I avoided adopting this phrase because, truthfully, I wasn't even sure I understood what it meant. The following is a list of possible meanings that I compiled based on (mostly) my students' use of the phrase, as well as headlines, Pinterest posts ("pins," I suppose), and Facebook updates:

1) I'm not giving up, I'm just not ready for this at the moment.
2) Nothing about this makes sense.
3) Something or someone is so ridiculous, I have no idea how to respond to it or them.
4) I am too stressed out to think about this situation right now.
5) Everything I know is a lie.

Jenna Marbles, comedian and internet sensation. Visit her website at your earliest convenience: http://jennamarblesblog.com/.

What I didn't like about the phrase was that it glorified escapism. To say that one, "just can't even," was to be dismissive to the problem or situation and to balk at the effort it would take to consider and deal with the issue at hand. Considered in this way, it is no wonder that memes began exploiting the classist, gendered, and racial undertones of the phrase.

That's science.

As time went on, I began to observe a more equal distribution of the use of the phrase. That is, I began to notice that all sorts of demographics were employing the phrase and for a variety of reasons. What I found to be particularly interesting in this regard were the myriad reasons for which people "just couldn't even." These reasons ranged from parenting woes, to observing the behaviors of others, to failed communication attempts, to news media stories, and the list goes on and on.

Another privileged white girl that just can't even . . .

Long story short, I resisted using the phrase because I was 1) unsure of it's meaning and 2) what meaning I could surmise was antithetical to the way in which I strive to approach the difficulties and challenges that life presents.

But then, after weeks of being very ill, after feeling as though I was beating my head against the wall during my job search, after uprooting my life several times, only to learn that I would be uprooted once again, after meeting obstacle after obstacle with my dissertation, articles, and other publications, after months of focusing on being as positive and hopeful as I could possibly be, given circumstances, I uttered those six words: "I just can't even right now."

If you're a teacher, I'm sure there have been times when you just couldn't even with this.

After I said it out loud, after I made a verbal admission that I just could not handle what was happening in my life, that I was exhausted, despondent, and lonely, I realized how ridiculous it was to feel that I "just couldn't even." Because I could even. I was, in fact, and had been for months!

The subject of the phrase, for me, was pushing forward with a chapter of my dissertation, the latest draft of which is so iron-clad that I feel confident in submitting it to potential employers as a demonstration of my abilities. The subject was also overcoming my illnesses in order to continue being a supportive partner, as well as making progress on my job search. I have had interviews and offers for positions. I have been given the opportunity to submit original research proposals to national and international scientific institutions. I can even. I did even. And I will even.

You know it's a problem when Beeker doesn't even.

"I just can't even" is not a phrase to be used with any amount of seriousness. I'm not trying to be a buzz-kill. I understand the ebb and flow of pop culture. But I encourage the use of discernment with regard this phrase because of the underlying assumption it makes about the deliverer: That one does not have the intelligence, resourcefulness, compassion, or will to overcome difficulties.

If you find yourself exasperated about this or that, think about how you're addressing your situation and how the attitude you adopt might affect, not only your actions, but the way in which other people perceive your character.

Making a mantra out of "I just can't even" may be doing more long-term damage than you think. Rather than belittle yourself by declaring incompetence, consider other phrases and mantras that stay truer to your personality and abilities. Unless, of course, you just can't even.

5 Musings on New Year's Resolutions

It's almost impossible not to feel a cocktail of emotion around the holidays. And, if you're like me, "the holidays" includes New Year's Eve and New Year's Day.

Being of the Earthy type, I often find myself planning and making goals around the Winter Solstice. But I also feel the excitement ramping up towards to the new Roman calendar year, especially with all of the "IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE TO [verb phrase] THIS YEAR!!" and "GET READY TO [verb phrase] IN 2015!!" going around towards the end of December.

In honor of this time of year, I present to you 5 musings regarding the ritual of creating New Year's resolutions:

1) It takes about 66 days to form a new habit. So guess what? If you're still not feeling like you're fully committed to a habit by Valentine's Day (the point at which many people give up on their resolutions), you're only 45 days into your effort. You won't have given yourself a chance to form a habit unless you push yourself to do the thing it is you want to do through the first week in March.

2) "Getting healthy" is not a goal. "Writing more" is not a goal. Goals are measurable. They have a date of accomplishment (or many dates if they goal requires several steps). In order to achieve your goals, you need an action plan and time constraints. Without these elements, it's not a goal, is a wish.

3) Setting goals that require sacrifice and discipline is not meant to be a deprecating practice. Sacrifice and discipline not only help in getting to where you want to be, they also make for sweeter rewards when you finally achieve your goals. Not only did you grab that brass ring, but you proved to yourself that you could make sometimes difficult choices in order to reach it.

4) Not having New Year's resolutions is perfectly acceptable. I use the new year as inspiration to infuse some energy into waning habits and goals, but I am constantly re-evaluating my personal and professional life, figuring out if whether what I am currently doing is helping or hurting, and then making new goals and actions plans to achieve the things I want for myself and my family. The time of year is irrelevant.

5) If you've achieved a New Year's resolution for an entire calendar year, celebrate!! How many times do we hear of resolutions being abandoned prematurely? And how many times do we hear about success stories? Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem to you. Little successes demonstrate that you have what it takes to change your life in a positive way.

To inspire fellow readers (and this author), if you have ever achieved a New Year's resolution, tell us about it in the comments below.

Enjoy the holidays and have a wonderful start to the new year!